Series 5

October 6, 1972

A bomb hits the gasworks where Godfrey and Walker are on duty and the platoon and Hodges go to rescue them from a small room in which Godfrey is asleep. Jones, in an outer chamber, slams the door, bringing the roof down and everyone except Jones is in the small room, which is rapidly filling with water.

October 13, 1972

The War Office plans a review of both the Home Guard and the ARP in order to decide which less fit soldiers of the first and less fit of the second should be transferred. As this is the last thing that either group wants, various tricks go towards making them look younger or older.

October 20, 1972

On the way home after an unpatriotic night at the cinema, Mainwaring comes to the assistance of a clippie being accosted by Hodges. In his dreams, Mainwaring is Napoleon with the clippie as Josephine.

October 27, 1972

Rumours abound when Wilson is seen with an attractive young woman in a WREN's uniform, causing an argument between himself and Mainwaring who catches him sleeping off a hangover in the church hall. Suddenly, pigeons appear — Walker got them to sell to Jones in the absence of other meat but he has yet to kill them.

November 3, 1972

The platoon are on an exercise whereby everyone—except for Godfrey and Jones—ends up in a deserted barn. Jones sees from the map that they have been given the wrong reference and the barn will be blown up as part of a live ammunition demo.

November 10, 1972

After another of Mainwaring's long, creative, 'vital' lectures, Frazer is voted the unfortunate duty of complainant representative for the platoon. Mainwaring tries a suggestion from the manual: the troublemaker is to have a go at being an officer. 'Captain' James Frazer proves an even worse tyrant, as he demotes and promotes but impresses the new area commander, fellow Scotsman Major General Menzies.

November 17, 1972

The platoon's first-ever private party, thrown by Mainwaring at his disappointingly blasé home, proves unamusing. It's cut short anyhow by a bomb alert — a hit on his bank! The money is carried to the church, counted painstakingly with typical bumbling and tension, then carried off, but the captain drives the horse cart with new disastrous consequences.

November 24, 1972

Godfrey asks for holiday in order to help a farming ex-girlfriend bring in the harvest. Recognising it as vital to the war effort, Mainwaring assigns the whole platoon to help.

December 1, 1972

Entrusted with £500 by local shopkeepers, Jones brings it to the bank only to find a pound of sausages instead. Frazer hypnotises him into recalling when he last saw the money, apparently stuffing a chicken for Mr Bluett, but there's no money in the chicken.

December 8, 1972

At a business community function, where both Wilson and Walker outshine him, Mainwaring accepts a challenge to prove his men are a match for the Home Guard's new, regularly trained, physically superior commandos. Their display of 'brains over brawn' should eliminate the commandos-guarded fuel depot by getting a fake bomb there.

December 15, 1972

Square ridicules Mainwaring for the pitiful state of his men's rifles. The captain rudely denies it but internally blames Wilson's lax inspection techniques and overall poor style. Worse is to come when the ARP have Mainwaring formally charged for an unobscured light emanating from the church where his platoon is.

December 22, 1972

The War Office tests an experimental invention for delivering explosives. For secrecy, the test is done on the coast, using three local platoons. Mainwaring's vanity is weaponised to make him blindly volunteer for 'special duties', which turn out to be dirty work.

December 25, 1972

The platoon is called to seize a German pilot whose parachute is caught on the church steeple clock. Getting him down is hard enough, given the language barrier. Then Jones manages to drop the ladder and the warden refuses to help.