Series 3

January 7, 1993

One of Gordon's enemies is coating random items with glue, and shady characters repeatedly appear in the centre. This leads to a massacre of several Bolivian drug dealers in the squash courts, the felling of several OAPs, and Gordon facing trial for drug running and multiple murders. Could Gordon's influence upon one of the criminals be enough to save his own skin?

January 14, 1993

Offended by Gordon's "individual figure and fitness targets", the staff refuse to speak to him; his diplomatic response is to bring in a psychiatrist to check staff anxiety levels. The psychiatrist tells Gordon that he is the cause of his staff's stress. A deadly tropical spider bites Colin and Gordon sucks out the poison. Considering where the bite was, the staff can't fail having a new-found respect.

January 21, 1993

Laura has an interview for manager of a leisure centre in London. Helen is worried that without Laura, she'll be unable to cope. A man is trying to get a cup of coffee with ever-increasing angst. A concussed Colin is sent to adjust the heating in the pool, leading to the electrocution of church members performing baptisms. Havoc escalates, including Carole getting fired. Will serenity prevail when Laura decides to return?

January 28, 1993

Gordon's brother, Reverend Horatio Brittas, visits for the centre's anniversary celebrations, and 36 staff from a Guildford leisure centre visit for their annual staff outing, intent upon making Gordon the focus of their amusement. The oil tank is leaking so Colin decides to store the oil in the weights room. What could go wrong?

February 4, 1993

Laura's estranged husband, Michael T. Farrell, arrives at the centre two and a half years after the couple split up. He wants her to have his child, because being a father is a condition of his inheriting his family's fortune. Gordon is unhappy and endeavours to get rid of him, despite being on a sponsored silence. He is horrified to learn that Helen is about to be charged with shoplifting and that she had been convicted of the same crime several times before she met him. The staff are interested in the draft of a novel that Carole has written.

February 11, 1993

Troubled by dreams about his own mortality and his legacy, Gordon is pushing age awareness and disguises himself as an elderly man as an experiment, resulting in a fight with a pensioner in reception. Helen goes into labour early and wants Laura to drive her to hospital, but Gordon is behind the wheel. After the pensioner from reception accidentally drives into Gordon's car at low speed, medical students come to Helen's aid in Whitbury High Street.